Day 21 / Juzz 21
And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. [ar-Rum 30:21]
“that you may find repose [taskoonoo] in them”.
The word in Arabic for repose is; Sukoon.
Sukoon = Tranquility/calmness. Anyone who has been in love has felt this strongly when they are with their lover. This is one of the strongest feeling of love a person will feel.
This feeling of joy, contentment and tranquility makes the person have extreme love for their spouse.. So Allah after explaining the first attribute of Tranquility describes the next stage;
“..and he has put between you affection (Mawaddah)..”
Mawaddah is love with passion, an extreme liking to something.
So the lover;
1) Feels at ease [feels calmness] with the person.
2) Has an extreme passionate liking to them.
This Mawaddah stage usually lasts for around 2 years in marriage.
As the couple continue living together, the passion gradually becomes less and less. Both partners mature a bit more and the fantasies die out a bit more.
So many obstacles come within their way because they are living with each other. Before they were both blinded by passion, but now they see each others’ mistakes and errors.
So Allah tells us;
“and He has put between you affection and MERCY (rahmah)..”
So now that the passions have slightly died out, and the calmness isn’t always there in the relationship (arguments do happen in marriage) – Allah tells us that He has placed between the lovers Mercy.
So even though they might argue with each other, they have mercy on each other and forgive. This mercy keeps their relationship going, because deep down inside you still care that your partner doesn’t get hurt.
“..Verily, in that are signs for people who reflect.”
May Allah allow us to be merciful to our spouses and enable us to live tranquility with one another, ameen.